I’m Becca, daughter of the King, Holy Spirit Stalker, wife to my high-school sweetheart and mama to seven blessings. My husband, my marriage, my children and my family are the very first ministry. I am also a student at Liberty University Online where I am working toward a Bachelors in Biblical and Theological Studies, with a minor in Christian Counseling. I live in Southeastern Missouri, on a small homestead with my husband, six of our seven kiddos, six chickens, one dog and two cats.
I grew up in Northeastern Pennsylvania where I met my husband in my Freshman year of High School. We were both damaged goods and hit it off right away. We both needed healing and we thought we were each other’s remedy, and while we were teenagers, we were. But then, babies, marriage, bills, responsibilities and each other’s individual dysfunction collided and that fairy tale marriage wasn’t so fantastic anymore. My husband found his own way to deal with all the dysfunction between us and I found mine. We were, worlds apart, and as I began seeking the Lord through the encouragement of an old high school friend, I found myself swimming in a sea of God’s grace.
In 2011 I found myself sitting at the bottom of the deepest, darkest pit of depression. It should have been the happiest time of my life. My husband and I had decided we were going to raise our children to love and serve the Lord and we were doing just that with our six oldest children when we found out we were expecting baby number seven. At first, we were super excited and couldn’t wait to add another peanut to our household, but then as the weeks unfolded, life took an unexpected turn. Stress, hormones, and everyday circumstances got the best of me and soon I found myself unable to get out of bed let alone create a homeschooling plan or even pray with my children.
For five years I bounced between hospitals, therapists, and psychologists. They all agreed that I was permanently disabled, and would one day enter a mental health facility and never come out. I gave my life over to the depression, anxiety, and the sedating medications that allowed me to escape my reality and sleep for eighteen plus hours a day.
Then in 2016, I sat on the edge of my bed listening to my husband snoring. He was there, next to me, in the same room; and yet, he could have been clear across the country and it would have felt the same way. We were strangers and I had become a burden. My children hardly knew me anymore and I certainly didn’t know them. The days of homeschooling, daily schedules, meal planning, Bible reading, prayer and church gatherings were all behind us. It was a life I missed dearly but a life that was so far in the past I didn’t even know how to get back to it, or, if my husband and children would be there, waiting for me if I tried. They had, indeed, gone on with their lives and began pursuing passions, and desires that left me feeling alone and left behind.
That night, I was seriously contemplating suicide. Getting my life back just seemed impossible, there was no way I could do it on my own. I had lost all my friends and my extended family did not understand the darkness that had enveloped me. I sat staring at all six of my pill bottles, every single one of them fatal all by themselves and for a solid hour struggled with the lie that my life was meaningless, purposeless, worthless and held no value. I had brought no value or meaning to anyone’s life in a very long time and it didn’t seem like that was going to change.
For the first time in over five years, I heard that soft whisper in my heart. The Lord encouraged and urged me to choose Him, choose the path of Life. To trust Him with everything I had and He would pull me up out of the depths and plant me on solid ground. In 2017, I came across Deuteronomy 30:19-20 and realized that on that night back in 2016, the Lord had spoken it over my life in that moment.
“This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.”
I did, I choose Him and He’s been rebuilding me and my life ever since.
In many ways, my life certainly is not the way it had been before. My children are seven years older now, my oldest is pursuing a life of his own, the six younger kiddos are all in public school and I’m a Sophomore at Liberty University. I am no longer struggling with normal, mundane, daily tasks. We have since moved to the Mid-West and have begun building our lives here with the Lord as our foundation.
We still have bad days, days where we struggle, and sometimes, those days turn into weeks. But God is good and continuously faithful and in every area, He continues to mend our broken hearts. Over the last twenty-five years, we have faced infidelity, financial crisis, heartbreak, the loss of our precious twins, the passing of my mother and D’s step-father, depression, anxiety, and addiction. Yet, through it all, we are still together, we are still fighting with the Lord by our side.
My hope is we can walk this journey together. Our God is in the breaking chains, restoring hearts, rebuilding relationships, making all things new business and Sisters, those promises weren’t only made for believers long ago, they are all still alive and active for us too!
May each day we grab a hold of God’s precious gift of grace and every promise He has already spoken over us and live our lives lavished in His love.